It had been an eventful evening. A friend came over for a visit and stayed late. I caught up on my computer business afterwards and we "went to bed". A process that can take anywhere from 30 seconds to 2 hours depending on how tired I really am or how urgent certain tasks are. My second son must have had growing pains, because he was waking up every 30 minutes with a fake cry but an obvious notion of an inability to get comfortable. I would give him a drink of water and he would lie back down...but around 1:45am in my very pregnant state, I felt an uncontrollable burst of water exit my body and was suddenly on high alert for the presence of regularly intervalled contractions. They were coming, and were definitely real contractions of which I was quite confident since this would be my 3rd time delivering a child into the world. They were not coming at regular intervals and were not close to one another, so I decided to hang out in my own bed for a while, placing a towel down under me "just in case" of any mishaps. My second son woke up a few more times before the clock turned over to 3am and I decided to wake my husband. "Honey, wake up" "Can you hear me?" "Wake up please" "I need you to hear me" "Can you hear me" "Are you awake yet?" "Are you awake?" "Are you awake yet?"......To which I finally hear the reply, "Why are you asking me if I'm awake?" hehe.
"Honey, if you don't have a bag ready, you should get one ready, because I'm pretty sure my water broke." "Oh, right...ok" So we get bags ready, I have a few more contractions, convincing my husband that we do need to go to the hospital. So we wake up our visitor, who will be at home with our 2 other boys and let her know we are going to the hospital. A little after 4am my husband and I are on our way and arrive to the delivery room prepped and ready to go around 4:30am. The contractions continue and the nurses do their duties, some of which I find a little old fashioned, but am not willing to fight it out while my husband informs the nurse he will not be wearing the protective garments given him upon our entry. This difference in our personalities will turn out for the best within the next 2 hours. By 5:30am the nurse informed me I was dilated to 4 cm, which meant I to me and my husband that I was progressing at a slower rate than I did with our last child. Now the contractions had progressed more seriously and I suddenly thought that I would not be able to handle this little person's entrance into life without help, tried some laughing gas for 2 breaths which became very irritating after 2 seconds which meant no relief was coming very soon, which meant I was back to square one. My husband tried to encourage me, "You know, just because your not progressed as far as you like in your dilation, doesn't mean you're not progressing, you are progressing in other areas. The baby is moving down and the cervix is still thinning out so you are progressing......."
I had to change positions and moved onto my side hoping it would provide some comfort. A little comfort was found, but the contractions kept coming stronger, longer and with less relief in between each one. The next contraction I felt my body curl up and thoughtI wouldn't be able to handle any more. Then another uncontrollable urge to push came. I heard the nurse yell at someone, "GIVE ME THE DOCTOR!!! GIVE ME THE DOCTOR!!!" and her hand was between my legs??? I could see purely by the look that swept across my husband's face that this child had crowned and was going to be born very soon. My husband felt familiar enough with the whole process of childbirth that a baby who is crowning did not cause any panic in him. He very calmy asked the nurse, "Can you please calm down? You are not helping!" I heard the nurse again, "HURRY!!!! HURRRY!!!!!!!" Still with her hand between my legs in some form of attempt to keep the child from coming out. Again my husband requested calmly, "Please be calm..." Between the screaming orders, the screaming patient, and the sudden frantic activity, my husband stepped in again to express his own thoughts at the nurse holding her hands between my legs, "DAMN IT, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!!!"
The urge to push overwhelmed me once again to which I did not deny my body and just gave in to this unbelievable force. I felt incredible relief and a deafening silence fell over the room. I looked up, and there was my child on the bed. I was just staring in awe, my husband was staring, the nurse was staring, the nurse aid was staring....and some man I hadn't seen all morning was walking in who could barely keep his eyes open and still getting oriented to the fact that he was even walking. It seemed to take him a long time to just get a pair of gloves on.
We heard the baby crying; he was crying he was alive. Somehow, some people were able to get their act together and the umbilical cord was cut and the baby was moved over to the baby warmer (which had not even been turned on yet) to do his initial exams and assessments. Then he was whisked away to the nursery for further evaluation. About 15 minutes after my son's birth and taken to the nursery, my doctor showed up at my bedside.
"What happened?" He says to me. hehe.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
New Jewelry
I've never been one to wear a lot of jewelry all of the time.
I wear a little here and there and there are definitely some pieces of jewelry I like a lot more than others.
Some jewelry is stuff I wear everyday, all the time and usually is more meaningful to me.
Other stuff is there to help myself look a little nicer.
That's what new jewelry is supposed to do.
Help you look a little nicer.
Some jewelry is special just because of what it is.
Let's take a nose ring for instance.
When we (my husband & I) were trying to describe to my 5 year old what a nose ring is, we had to use another body part to help him understand that it really is the same thing you put in your ear, its just that it is in your nose.
And it seems that it is easier to want someone else to have a nose ring than it is to actually get one yourself.
Pierced earrings are an expected part of a girls daily wardrobe and attire.
A nose ring says something else, though i'm not quite sure what that something else is........
My husband has wanted me to get this permanent 3rd hole in my nose for several years. It just wasn't something I could commit to or really wanted myself. I'm not really one to make public statements that have the slightest risk of being controversial to anyone with whom I may come into contact.
But suddenly, a mysterious desire came over me. After years of it being my husbands desire, it became mine, why? The element of surprise and shock overcame me as this became the motivation to put a 3rd permanent hole in my nose. Inspired by my husband mixed with some desire to keep things a bit interesting since we are on the home stretch of 10 years of marriage and our 3rd child due any day (just to add to the interest).
So, I am now highly motivated to go and do it. I find a place, go in, sit on the seat, thankful that my friend Lori is with me because suddenly I get butterflies.....i saw the gun.
why does it have to look like a gun? can't they market it some other way to make it more desireable and therefore make more money? isn't everyone motivated by money?
I had also brought my dainty little nose rings with me from the other jewelry store, but they were not acceptable. Not properly sterilized. want to be clean you know.
The choices I now had were incredibly bold statements compared to the subtlely I had chosen earlier. More butterflies. but I was now committed, and it was a risk I was willing to take. So I sat down. Gave the piercer the least of my choice of evils and waited.
The gun was raised to my nose...I held my breath....and he took the gun out.
The gun was raised again to my right nostril to which I held my breath and with a reminder that I need to relax, then takes the gun out, my nose still in the same condition. After the 4th time of putting the gun at my nose I firmly burst out, "What is taking you so long?" "Is there something wrong?" To which I heard no answer but the feeling the gun approaching my nose for a 5th time and firing through the wall of my nostril accompanied with the immediate feeling of lightheadedness and the strong desire to just stay seated for as long as I could.
Immediately after and very likely at the same moment I realized I held the best bargaining chip ever in my entire marriage!!!!!! A little lightheadedness was worth it. By this time, Jay had been surprised by the fact that I was going to get my nose pierced since he usually finds out about surprises before they happen to him...and this was no exception.
So, once I was stabilized from the trauma...I called him. He owes me years, years, years. This act alone is worth years of love toward my husband. Is this the first time in history that a new piece of jewelry that a woman bought was really for her husband and actually benefited her relationship with him as a result of the purchase? How's that for rationalization? I think it's pretty good, actually.
So you are probably wondering if I like it? The answer is yes, I do. I've seen enough of them now that I really do think they look quite nice on a lot of women. I like mine too, though I'm going smaller asap.
I wear a little here and there and there are definitely some pieces of jewelry I like a lot more than others.
Some jewelry is stuff I wear everyday, all the time and usually is more meaningful to me.
Other stuff is there to help myself look a little nicer.
That's what new jewelry is supposed to do.
Help you look a little nicer.
Some jewelry is special just because of what it is.
Let's take a nose ring for instance.
When we (my husband & I) were trying to describe to my 5 year old what a nose ring is, we had to use another body part to help him understand that it really is the same thing you put in your ear, its just that it is in your nose.
And it seems that it is easier to want someone else to have a nose ring than it is to actually get one yourself.
Pierced earrings are an expected part of a girls daily wardrobe and attire.
A nose ring says something else, though i'm not quite sure what that something else is........
My husband has wanted me to get this permanent 3rd hole in my nose for several years. It just wasn't something I could commit to or really wanted myself. I'm not really one to make public statements that have the slightest risk of being controversial to anyone with whom I may come into contact.
But suddenly, a mysterious desire came over me. After years of it being my husbands desire, it became mine, why? The element of surprise and shock overcame me as this became the motivation to put a 3rd permanent hole in my nose. Inspired by my husband mixed with some desire to keep things a bit interesting since we are on the home stretch of 10 years of marriage and our 3rd child due any day (just to add to the interest).
So, I am now highly motivated to go and do it. I find a place, go in, sit on the seat, thankful that my friend Lori is with me because suddenly I get butterflies.....i saw the gun.
why does it have to look like a gun? can't they market it some other way to make it more desireable and therefore make more money? isn't everyone motivated by money?
I had also brought my dainty little nose rings with me from the other jewelry store, but they were not acceptable. Not properly sterilized. want to be clean you know.
The choices I now had were incredibly bold statements compared to the subtlely I had chosen earlier. More butterflies. but I was now committed, and it was a risk I was willing to take. So I sat down. Gave the piercer the least of my choice of evils and waited.
The gun was raised to my nose...I held my breath....and he took the gun out.
The gun was raised again to my right nostril to which I held my breath and with a reminder that I need to relax, then takes the gun out, my nose still in the same condition. After the 4th time of putting the gun at my nose I firmly burst out, "What is taking you so long?" "Is there something wrong?" To which I heard no answer but the feeling the gun approaching my nose for a 5th time and firing through the wall of my nostril accompanied with the immediate feeling of lightheadedness and the strong desire to just stay seated for as long as I could.
Immediately after and very likely at the same moment I realized I held the best bargaining chip ever in my entire marriage!!!!!! A little lightheadedness was worth it. By this time, Jay had been surprised by the fact that I was going to get my nose pierced since he usually finds out about surprises before they happen to him...and this was no exception.
So, once I was stabilized from the trauma...I called him. He owes me years, years, years. This act alone is worth years of love toward my husband. Is this the first time in history that a new piece of jewelry that a woman bought was really for her husband and actually benefited her relationship with him as a result of the purchase? How's that for rationalization? I think it's pretty good, actually.
So you are probably wondering if I like it? The answer is yes, I do. I've seen enough of them now that I really do think they look quite nice on a lot of women. I like mine too, though I'm going smaller asap.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Done or Undone? That is the question....
I have a great banana bread recipe acquired from a homemade cookbook.
Banana bread is a great thing to make,
and it doesn't really require great baking skills in order to make a good banana bread,
just the right ingredients.
and the right oven temperature.
and the appropriate amount of time in the right oven temperature.
if that is gourmet cooking for one then that one ought not be cooking....
or learn really fast.
Usually one hour works, but I have acquired a different oven since I last made banana bread.
I only took it out 5 minutes early because we were leaving for the whole rest of the day, not to return until after regular kid bedtime.
The bread caved.
In the center after baking for an hour and cooling the rest of the day was an ooey-gooey center of banana bread dough that I was bringing to a party the next day.
I just left it. wrapped it in foil.
the people loved the ooey-gooey center of banana bread.
So does that mean it really was done? If everyone loved the ooey-gooey undone center?
You could argue that it would be your goal in baking it that way, couldn't you?
It tasted great. You all should try it sometime.
Happy baking....
Here's the recipe I used:
2 1/4 c. flour
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 c. butter, softened
1 1/2 c. sugar
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. mashed bananas
4 Tbsp. sour cream
Sift flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt and set aside.
Cream butter and sugar.
Beat in egg.
Mix in mashed bananas, sour cream and vanilla.
Spoon dry ingredients into cream mixture quickly.
Grease and flour loaf pan (large).
Do not fill up loaf pan.
Bake @ 350 F for about 1 hour (depending on desired gooeyness)
Banana bread is a great thing to make,
and it doesn't really require great baking skills in order to make a good banana bread,
just the right ingredients.
and the right oven temperature.
and the appropriate amount of time in the right oven temperature.
if that is gourmet cooking for one then that one ought not be cooking....
or learn really fast.
Usually one hour works, but I have acquired a different oven since I last made banana bread.
I only took it out 5 minutes early because we were leaving for the whole rest of the day, not to return until after regular kid bedtime.
The bread caved.
In the center after baking for an hour and cooling the rest of the day was an ooey-gooey center of banana bread dough that I was bringing to a party the next day.
I just left it. wrapped it in foil.
the people loved the ooey-gooey center of banana bread.
So does that mean it really was done? If everyone loved the ooey-gooey undone center?
You could argue that it would be your goal in baking it that way, couldn't you?
It tasted great. You all should try it sometime.
Happy baking....
Here's the recipe I used:
2 1/4 c. flour
1/2 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. salt
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 c. butter, softened
1 1/2 c. sugar
1 egg
1 tsp. vanilla
1 c. mashed bananas
4 Tbsp. sour cream
Sift flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt and set aside.
Cream butter and sugar.
Beat in egg.
Mix in mashed bananas, sour cream and vanilla.
Spoon dry ingredients into cream mixture quickly.
Grease and flour loaf pan (large).
Do not fill up loaf pan.
Bake @ 350 F for about 1 hour (depending on desired gooeyness)
Friday, May 16, 2008
The Carnival
My oldest son's school had a carnival today.
My husband said to bring home a duck.
A duck?
Yeah, a duck, bring home a duck, it can be our pet.
Hehe. Even if there are ducks there, there's no way I'm bringing one home.
A duck?
As we left I informed the kids we were walking to the carnival. It was a beautiful day, there's a wonderful breeze, and next to no cars on the roads.....perfect for walking.
The complaints spraying from their mouths tells me walks to school need to happen much more often and reminds me of my days walking to and from school dodging dobermans, bulldogs and boxers until I walked through the schoolgate and could finally breathe.
I warn our guest and friend, J, how things work where we live.
People don't stand in lines. You shove until you get to the front and parents help their children do that. After a well deserved scoff at the lack of orderliness, patience and other kind attributes to which I've grown accustomed, our friend assured she would help shove our son to the front of the crowd if deemed necessary so he could have his face painted.
We arrive at the entrance and muddle through the crowd of children who have seemed to have found themselves quite content to stand in the small doorway, pay for our tickets and enter the land of fun.
We stop by a booth filled with aquariums, cages, animal food and a multitude of children gazing at the life scurrying below them. I see 3 cages full of chicks! Cute, fuzzy baby chicks in your choice of the natural yellow, pink or green! Above on a table is a large aquarium filled with goldfish of varying shapes, sizes and colors and directly next to it an aquarium that has baby turtles prancing around it. There were other boxes and cages I hadn't seen yet. My children wanted to see what else they had here. So did I. As we peered into the box I heard a familiar yet unexpected sound. I hadn't recognized what it was yet, but what was that sound? It sounded like, "aaak" but it was rather high pitched and I was sure I had never seen the animal I was about view when I heard it again, "aaak". As I was able to finally see inside the box I recognized the animal sound immediately, "quaaak". Not only one, but probably 25 ducklings were waddling around inside the box in their most noble cuteness. There really were ducks here. Who takes a duck home as a pet? What do you do with it? What does it eat? I would never know. Ducks. Cute little, fuzzy, yellow and black duck babies.
We made our circuit with the big air slide, the airbrush paint tattoos for the boys, dealt with all the kids that had water guns, silly string, etc. they were throwing on each other, shooting at each other and getting everyone else in the way. Then we went back to the animal booth. What would we purchase from the animal booth? Four baby turtles.....that I later find out could grow to be 11" long each. Maybe we will name them after the Ninja Turtles....it is yet to be determined. In the meantime, they are sleeping on some rocks in their aquarium (that we already had from past goldfish) in the boys room, being enjoyed.
My husband said to bring home a duck.
A duck?
Yeah, a duck, bring home a duck, it can be our pet.
Hehe. Even if there are ducks there, there's no way I'm bringing one home.
A duck?
As we left I informed the kids we were walking to the carnival. It was a beautiful day, there's a wonderful breeze, and next to no cars on the roads.....perfect for walking.
The complaints spraying from their mouths tells me walks to school need to happen much more often and reminds me of my days walking to and from school dodging dobermans, bulldogs and boxers until I walked through the schoolgate and could finally breathe.
I warn our guest and friend, J, how things work where we live.
People don't stand in lines. You shove until you get to the front and parents help their children do that. After a well deserved scoff at the lack of orderliness, patience and other kind attributes to which I've grown accustomed, our friend assured she would help shove our son to the front of the crowd if deemed necessary so he could have his face painted.
We arrive at the entrance and muddle through the crowd of children who have seemed to have found themselves quite content to stand in the small doorway, pay for our tickets and enter the land of fun.
We stop by a booth filled with aquariums, cages, animal food and a multitude of children gazing at the life scurrying below them. I see 3 cages full of chicks! Cute, fuzzy baby chicks in your choice of the natural yellow, pink or green! Above on a table is a large aquarium filled with goldfish of varying shapes, sizes and colors and directly next to it an aquarium that has baby turtles prancing around it. There were other boxes and cages I hadn't seen yet. My children wanted to see what else they had here. So did I. As we peered into the box I heard a familiar yet unexpected sound. I hadn't recognized what it was yet, but what was that sound? It sounded like, "aaak" but it was rather high pitched and I was sure I had never seen the animal I was about view when I heard it again, "aaak". As I was able to finally see inside the box I recognized the animal sound immediately, "quaaak". Not only one, but probably 25 ducklings were waddling around inside the box in their most noble cuteness. There really were ducks here. Who takes a duck home as a pet? What do you do with it? What does it eat? I would never know. Ducks. Cute little, fuzzy, yellow and black duck babies.
We made our circuit with the big air slide, the airbrush paint tattoos for the boys, dealt with all the kids that had water guns, silly string, etc. they were throwing on each other, shooting at each other and getting everyone else in the way. Then we went back to the animal booth. What would we purchase from the animal booth? Four baby turtles.....that I later find out could grow to be 11" long each. Maybe we will name them after the Ninja Turtles....it is yet to be determined. In the meantime, they are sleeping on some rocks in their aquarium (that we already had from past goldfish) in the boys room, being enjoyed.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
To Forgive is to Sacrifice is to Love
To forgive someone for anything whether seemingly small or overwhelming to the soul is a sacrifice. It is a sacrifice because to truly forgive someone quite often involves a significant amount of pain. It is painful to face head on that someone hurt you, disappointed you, failed you or abandoned you. It is painful to look at the damage that was caused whether minor or catastrophic. It is painful to be treated in a manner that places you in a position requiring you to either forgive it or allow the bitterness and anger to overtake you. It is painful to think that you now are responsible in how you respond to the mess that someone else created in your life, and you wouldn't even be in that position if it weren't for this other person who hurt you, disappointed you, failed you or abandoned you. It is painful and time consuming to proactively get a grip on your own pain/loss and the effects of that pain so that you can place that pain/loss on the altar before God Almighty as a fragrant sacrifice. Often what needs to be given as the sacrifice is probably the anger, bitterness and other emotions often accompanying a loss encurred by another person. The habits that spoken of in His Word that we are continually reminded we are already dead to. The habits and emotions that ought not control us, yet subtely enter and take control if we are not paying attention like anger, bitterness, malice, slander, immorality, etc., etc.,
Imagine taking a bull by the horns and placing it on the altar so the priest can slit its throat. Would you be able to do it alone? Does it count as your sacrfice if you are not involved in placing a stubborn animal that is much larger& stronger than you up there? It's risky, those horns might get you, he may throw you or kick you and that beastly thing is not going down without a fight, but you are not left alone to place that sacrifice up there. God sees how heavy, strong and stubborn this animal is and he has provided help, and we must allow help to enter in if that sacrifice is going to be a sacrifice at all. It is not sacrificed until it is on the altar and dead. Once the bull is up there and the priest slits its throat then the animal after time becomes still, the blood is spilled and a quiet rest is allowed in the freedom of blood bought forgiveness.
Once the battle with the sacrifice is complete then a kind of freedom may be experienced. The freedom to love. The freedom to love God for giving you the great grace and power through the Holy Spirit to wrestle through that pain. The freedom to love yourself since you are no longer filled with anger and bitterness. The freedom to love others since you realize now that it is through Christ alone that the ability to forgive comes. Ultimately it matters only what He thinks and not what others think. The freedom and ability to even see that person that hurt you terribly as a whole person who also carries shattered dreams, consequences, hopes and fears. sound wierd? like it shouldn't be like that? it is one of the beautiful surprises of forgiveness. We are not promised that we will be rid of all our pain....it may or may not happen, but we will be given the ability to see beyond our own pain in order to see others as they truly are and to see Christ as he truly is....the Ultimate Blood Sacrifice carrying with it the purpose of paying for our sins so that forgiveness can be offered to each of us and we can offer forgiveness to one another. It truly is a glorious, astronomically costly gift.
I would love to hear your thoughts, comments, questions about these wrestlings from my own mind....please talk!
Imagine taking a bull by the horns and placing it on the altar so the priest can slit its throat. Would you be able to do it alone? Does it count as your sacrfice if you are not involved in placing a stubborn animal that is much larger& stronger than you up there? It's risky, those horns might get you, he may throw you or kick you and that beastly thing is not going down without a fight, but you are not left alone to place that sacrifice up there. God sees how heavy, strong and stubborn this animal is and he has provided help, and we must allow help to enter in if that sacrifice is going to be a sacrifice at all. It is not sacrificed until it is on the altar and dead. Once the bull is up there and the priest slits its throat then the animal after time becomes still, the blood is spilled and a quiet rest is allowed in the freedom of blood bought forgiveness.
Once the battle with the sacrifice is complete then a kind of freedom may be experienced. The freedom to love. The freedom to love God for giving you the great grace and power through the Holy Spirit to wrestle through that pain. The freedom to love yourself since you are no longer filled with anger and bitterness. The freedom to love others since you realize now that it is through Christ alone that the ability to forgive comes. Ultimately it matters only what He thinks and not what others think. The freedom and ability to even see that person that hurt you terribly as a whole person who also carries shattered dreams, consequences, hopes and fears. sound wierd? like it shouldn't be like that? it is one of the beautiful surprises of forgiveness. We are not promised that we will be rid of all our pain....it may or may not happen, but we will be given the ability to see beyond our own pain in order to see others as they truly are and to see Christ as he truly is....the Ultimate Blood Sacrifice carrying with it the purpose of paying for our sins so that forgiveness can be offered to each of us and we can offer forgiveness to one another. It truly is a glorious, astronomically costly gift.
I would love to hear your thoughts, comments, questions about these wrestlings from my own mind....please talk!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Why 4 boys?
So, why 4 boys? It doesn't match up to the whole profile image, right? 2 boys plus 1 on the way equals 3 boys. Ok...I know you all are thinking about the so cliche line about the husband being just another boy to take care of and all the jokes that go along with it. But, when your husband is a man, one can only hope that there is indeed a boy within that man. The boy gives the life that makes living with the man not just enjoyable but desirable. A man who knows how to be a boy is, in my opinion, the most admirable quality one can find in a man. Let me make my point very clear. I do not mean someone who has to make a joke out of everything and doesn't know when to be serious and doesn't take responsibility for his actions and doesn't help take care of his family. I am talking about a man who doesn't always need to be the joker, but has one on hand to deliver at the right time. I am talking about a man who knows when it is necessary to not be serious. I am talking about a man who feels his responsibility to God, to his family and to others. I am talking about a man who will give his kids a bath, help do the dishes and even make the bed for his wife on a regular basis. This is a man who cares, and the same caring man, when he feels safe, can be the boy that brings the life to the home....and you will always make sure to take care of him. Because of the life of this boy, you will always want to be at home.
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